I'm a big kid now!

Sometimes I forget the kind of disadvantages I face because of the way I was raised. Until today I hadn't given a second thought to the fact that were I to suddenly and catastrophically fail at life there would be no home for me to run back to. I've always known that after I moved away from home there would be no going back, but that is simply because I am a proud human being and will be resourceful to a fault.

After I moved out of my parent's house it seemed to me that their marriage was beginning to improve, but the reality was that things were falling apart even faster than before. My father decided he wanted to be with someone else and proceeded to kick my mother (who was his only life line to sanity) out of her own home. Knowing nothing about bills or rent or responsibility in general my father soon learned the meaning of the word eviction and all of the things my parents had worked for their whole lives were thrown to the curb--including everything which still remained in the room I called my own for ten years. There were so many memories in that house that could have been salvaged: baby pictures, books and movies I loved as a child, gifts I'd received from friends, and even my keyboard and guitar. All of these things gave me hope while I was still stuck there and waiting to escape. In a way I think its healthy for me to let go of these things, because they are memories of the most miserable time of my life. It would have been nice, though, to be able to look back at those memories on my hard days now and think to myself "Things have definitely been worse!" It's also a good reminder of how far I've come and how I never want to raise my kids. Even if it kills me they will always have a home with me and they will never feel the emptiness I feel about my childhood and the things I've left behind.

So, here we go, life. Here's to having risen above the challenges I faced and finding happiness as an adult. Now the trick is to not screw it up.